When Life's Challenges Are Hard to Run From

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Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts

Let's Talk About Dramatic & Keeping Secrets Ribbons & Belle #abortion #IVF #endingawantedpregnancy #rainbowbaby

"Don't be so dramatic, Belle. We're in this together. All of us."
“Dramatic? Whoa, wait a minute. You think I'm just being dramatic?" The switch from teary eyed woman to ball of angry fire, threw Tyson for a loop and he loosened his hold. "Let's talk about dramatic. Let's talk about all of us, and your sister." Belle brushed away her tears and stood. Slapping Tyson’s protective hands away. “What was going through your mind when you decided to tell Cornelia about Fawn?” Belle punched him in the shoulder with her fist. “I’ve asked you over and over to stop trying to protect me. Now you've messed things up worse than they were."
 
"How? I just wanted her to understand what's going on between us. I'm tired of going to family visits without you. Hearing the stupid, often cruel comments. You missing out on the love the women show each other throughout their pregnancies."
"Well, you can forget all of that. Cornelia came over and the things she said... I can't repeat,I can't forget, and I can't make her see what I had no choice to do, any differently than she already does. I liked her Tyson and now she sees me as some kind of monster. A baby killer.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“Bull. I talked, no I listened to her today and I know better than you, yes she does. First she was only seeing me as the little whore trying to trap her baby brother, something that would eventually have fixed itself. Unless you told her about the procedure, too." She paused for a response. At his negative movement she continued. "I'm surprised. Seems you tell them everything. Doesn't matter now anyway- I’m a killer in her eyes. More than likely in all of their eyes. I used to like her, Tyson. I thought she liked me too, but that’s a big bag of bullshit now. She left here swearing to never speak to me again.
Which brings me to my Facebook page and each of my social media accounts. I had to close all of them because one of your spiteful family members made a negative, ranting post on my page and its gone freaking viral. I knew people were mean and critical, have always read some pretty cruel posts, but once someone has a face to put to their vitriol, they’re ruthless. I’m down to screening my phone calls.
To make it all worse, Sunny says the rumors are flying around at the clinic. Didn't you know Mary Carson was your brother's big mouthed girlfriend?" She slapped him around both arms with each word. "She's the worst gossip in the world and one of the ones who started the mess on my Facebook page. Not that any of that matters to me. I don't care what they say, but Sunny is in the midst and alone."
"Sunny's a big girl, she can handle it.” He chuckled, avoiding her reach. “And no, I knew nothing about that girl, Mary. All I wanted to do was help Cornelia understand what a caring person you are. How our child is not a trap, but a gift of a lifetime. I don’t give a crap about the rest of the world. This is about us and our baby. So, calm yourself.” He stood, grabbed her hands and pulled her out of the room. "I brought you Cheetos and a movie. Where do you want to spend the rest of the evening? Here on the bed or on the couch."
Her smile was brief. "I don't even know if I want to spend the rest of the evening around you."
"Yes, you do." Tyson moved close, and nuzzled her neck. "You like me. Besides, I can hand you tissues at the sad parts, wipe your eyes, rub your belly..." 
She turned to look him in the face. Every nerve ending wanted to pummel him to the ground, but the sweet smile, the pleading look in his blue eyes, and the kiss on the cheeks was her undoing. Giving in with a giggle, Belle climbed onto the bed.

"Fine, but know I'm still angry with you."
"Ribbons & Belle" by Ey Wade on Ganxy
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For parents going through a devastating experience such as Belle’s visit Ending A Wanted Pregnancy http://endingawantedpregnancy.com/

What is Dandy-Walker Syndrome?
Dandy-Walker Syndrome is a congenital brain malformation involving the cerebellum (an area at the back of the brain that controls movement) and the fluid-filled spaces around it. The key features of this syndrome are an enlargement of the fourth ventricle (a small channel that allows fluid to flow freely between the upper and lower areas of the brain and spinal cord), a partial or complete absence of the area of the brain between the two cerebellar hemispheres (cerebellar vermis), and cyst formation near the lowest part of the skull. An increase in the size of the fluid spaces surrounding the brain as well as an increase in pressure may also be present.
The syndrome can appear dramatically or develop unnoticed. Symptoms, which often occur in early infancy, include slow motor development and progressive enlargement of the skull. In older children, symptoms of increased intracranial pressure such as irritability and vomiting, and signs of cerebellar dysfunction such as unsteadiness, lack of muscle coordination, or jerky movements of the eyes may occur. Other symptoms include increased head circumference, bulging at the back of the skull, problems with the nerves that control the eyes, face and neck, and abnormal breathing patterns.
Dandy-Walker Syndrome is frequently associated with disorders of other areas of the central nervous system, including absence of the area made up of nerve fibers connecting the two cerebral hemispheres (corpus callosum) and malformations of the heart, face, limbs, fingers and toes.
Is there any treatment?
Treatment for individuals with Dandy-Walker Syndrome generally consists of treating the associated problems, if needed. A surgical procedure called a shunt may be required to drain off excess fluid within the brain. This will reduce intracranial pressure and help control swelling. Parents of children with Dandy-Walker Syndrome may benefit from genetic counseling if they intend to have more children.
What is the prognosis?
The effect of Dandy-Walker Syndrome on intellectual development is variable, with some children having normal cognition and others never achieving normal intellectual development even when the excess fluid buildup is treated early and correctly. Longevity depends on the severity of the syndrome and associated malformations. The presence of multiple congenital defects may shorten life span.
What research is being done?
The NINDS conducts and supports a wide range of studies that explore the complex mechanisms of normal brain development. The knowledge gained from these fundamental studies provides the foundation for understanding abnormal brain development and offers hope for new ways to treat and prevent developmental brain disorders such as Dandy-Walker Syndrome.

A term given to the child born after a miscarriage, still-birth, or the death from illness.
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Saying Good-bye, Comes Hard. Ribbons & Belle #IVF #Infertility #eningwantedpregnancies


"I was eight months pregnant. The farthest I’d ever gone. And once the debilitating morning sickness was over I was able to deal with every other little physical thing that popped up. The baby, my god was she growing beautifully and so active. A constant mound of kicking, twisting energy-practically non-stopping.” Her hand unconsciously rubbing her flat stomach, was covered by Tyson’s and she smiled. “And then I went in for an ultra sound- everything changed. It showed problems and I was sent for a level 2 ultrasound.”
“Level two? What is that?”
“In my mind, it’s a death tomb. I never want to hear the phrase again. In actuality, its a more extensive kind of ultra sound and a specialist has to read it. Turns out, all of the overactive movements were a sign of a disease. Poor Fawn had two severe brain malformations. At first I was told about the Dandy Walker syndrome. How it could be severe, but Fawn had a possibility of surviving through it. Children do live good lives with the disease. So, I turned my mind from having a cute little girl to run around with, to having a cute little girl with possible challenges. I prepared myself mentally and was ready.”
“That’s a good way to face life, Belle. If she had survived, I know you would have helped her through anything.”
“Without a doubt. The doctor is the best ever. I would use her again if I ever have to face such a horror. She took no chances with my life or Fawn’s. But to know the extent of the syndrome, I was scheduled to have an MRI three days later. Three days of the beginning of the worst time in my life. I’ve told no one else about this. I went through it all alone, the MRI, the diagnosis of the second brain malformation, and the final decision to have an abortion. I kept it all to myself.
Everything was arranged and executed quickly. There is still an age cut off point for abortions. I worried about someone finding out, the legality, of being accused of murder, being in the media. All a possibility because there aren’t many doctors who would perform such a thing at that late stage in a pregnancy. In order to avoid any sensationalism, I told no one. Never have.”

“What about your husband? Didn’t you tell him? Didn’t you let him know his child would not survive?”
Belle studied Tyson’s face before answering. The removal of his hand from hers, the slight movement away, felt like he had crossed the room. In her heart she knew if she said more, it would end whatever could grow between them, right on the spot. But she continued, better to get it over with.
“Honestly, I didn’t. I told you I called him after the first sonogram. He didn’t return that night. Didn’t bother to come around, but he did send a stupid text. A few lines of how he couldn’t deal with all of the drama and failures in all aspects of our marriage. He couldn’t deal with it anymore – as if any of it had been a party for me.” Belle looked up. The cool blue of his eyes dousing the remnants of the remembered anger she’d held for her ex-husband. “None of this was easy. I had to face facts, my baby was dying before she could be born. Fawn had what amounted to holes in her brain and the area that connected the two sides of her brain hadn’t grown. I’d hoped, after reading on the Dandy-Walker disease, that a miracle would happen and Fawn would be fine or at least as fine as a person with a disability could be, but with the second issue... There would be too much damage and pain. More pain than I was willing to put her through. She would probably not be able to talk, walk, hold her head up, or live without constant seizures. And that would be if she survived being born.
In my heart I knew I couldn’t let my baby live like that. Her being in pain all of her life was the decision maker for me. As a mommy, I had to let her go. I cried through everything. The counseling, the procedure- the shot which would eventually end her life, the conscious physical loss when her constant movements stopped and then the induced birth.
So, yes, I killed her.” 
Belle tried to gloss over the last bit, removing her hands from his and pushing them into the chair to aid her in standing. She needed to get away. To be alone. To work through the wave of guilt, and crippling despair the memories always tried to smother her with, but she couldn’t. 
 One minute she was in a rush to get out of his house and into her car and the next, she found herself with her arms around Tyson's neck and her butt resting on his lap.
Tyson let her cry. 
In the story, Anabelle wanted this baby more than anything. It tore her apart to let her go. I know there are a lot of people who believe this would be a wrong decision to make, what would it take for your to go beyond your inert beliefs?

Please, if you are going through any grief from the lose of your child visit, Saying Goodbye in the U.K.  The Saying Goodbye Services are the first national set of remembrance services for people who have lost a child at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy, whether the loss be recent or 80-years ago.


For parents going through a devastating experience such as Belle’s visit Ending A Wanted Pregnancy
 
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