Let's Talk About Dramatic & Keeping Secrets Ribbons & Belle #abortion #IVF #endingawantedpregnancy #rainbowbaby

"Don't be so dramatic, Belle. We're in this together. All of us."

“Dramatic? Whoa, wait a minute. You think I'm just being dramatic?" The switch from teary eyed woman to ball of angry fire, threw Tyson for a loop and he loosened his hold. "Let's talk about dramatic. Let's talk about all of us, and your sister." Belle brushed away her tears and stood. Slapping Tyson’s protective hands away. “What was going through your mind when you decided to tell Cornelia about Fawn?” Belle punched him in the shoulder with her fist. “I’ve asked you over and over to stop trying to protect me. Now you've messed things up worse than they were."

 

"How? I just wanted her to understand what's going on between us. I'm tired of going to family visits without you. Hearing the stupid, often cruel comments. You missing out on the love the women show each other throughout their pregnancies."

"Well, you can forget all of that. Cornelia came over and the things she said... I can't repeat,I can't forget, and I can't make her see what I had no choice to do, any differently than she already does. I liked her Tyson and now she sees me as some kind of monster. A baby killer.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Bull. I talked, no I listened to her today and I know better than you, yes she does. First she was only seeing me as the little whore trying to trap her baby brother, something that would eventually have fixed itself. Unless you told her about the procedure, too." She paused for a response. At his negative movement she continued. "I'm surprised. Seems you tell them everything. Doesn't matter now anyway- I’m a killer in her eyes. More than likely in all of their eyes. I used to like her, Tyson. I thought she liked me too, but that’s a big bag of bullshit now. She left here swearing to never speak to me again.

Which brings me to my Facebook page and each of my social media accounts. I had to close all of them because one of your spiteful family members made a negative, ranting post on my page and its gone freaking viral. I knew people were mean and critical, have always read some pretty cruel posts, but once someone has a face to put to their vitriol, they’re ruthless. I’m down to screening my phone calls.

To make it all worse, Sunny says the rumors are flying around at the clinic. Didn't you know Mary Carson was your brother's big mouthed girlfriend?" She slapped him around both arms with each word. "She's the worst gossip in the world and one of the ones who started the mess on my Facebook page. Not that any of that matters to me. I don't care what they say, but Sunny is in the midst and alone."

"Sunny's a big girl, she can handle it.” He chuckled, avoiding her reach. “And no, I knew nothing about that girl, Mary. All I wanted to do was help Cornelia understand what a caring person you are. How our child is not a trap, but a gift of a lifetime. I don’t give a crap about the rest of the world. This is about us and our baby. So, calm yourself.” He stood, grabbed her hands and pulled her out of the room. "I brought you Cheetos and a movie. Where do you want to spend the rest of the evening? Here on the bed or on the couch."

Her smile was brief. "I don't even know if I want to spend the rest of the evening around you."

"Yes, you do." Tyson moved close, and nuzzled her neck. "You like me. Besides, I can hand you tissues at the sad parts, wipe your eyes, rub your belly..." 

She turned to look him in the face. Every nerve ending wanted to pummel him to the ground, but the sweet smile, the pleading look in his blue eyes, and the kiss on the cheeks was her undoing. Giving in with a giggle, Belle climbed onto the bed.

"Fine, but know I'm still angry with you."

"Ribbons & Belle" by Ey Wade on Ganxy

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For parents going through a devastating experience such as Belle’s visit Ending A Wanted Pregnancy http://endingawantedpregnancy.com/

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/EndingaWantedPregnancy

What is Dandy-Walker Syndrome?

Dandy-Walker Syndrome is a congenital brain malformation involving the cerebellum (an area at the back of the brain that controls movement) and the fluid-filled spaces around it. The key features of this syndrome are an enlargement of the fourth ventricle (a small channel that allows fluid to flow freely between the upper and lower areas of the brain and spinal cord), a partial or complete absence of the area of the brain between the two cerebellar hemispheres (cerebellar vermis), and cyst formation near the lowest part of the skull. An increase in the size of the fluid spaces surrounding the brain as well as an increase in pressure may also be present.

The syndrome can appear dramatically or develop unnoticed. Symptoms, which often occur in early infancy, include slow motor development and progressive enlargement of the skull. In older children, symptoms of increased intracranial pressure such as irritability and vomiting, and signs of cerebellar dysfunction such as unsteadiness, lack of muscle coordination, or jerky movements of the eyes may occur. Other symptoms include increased head circumference, bulging at the back of the skull, problems with the nerves that control the eyes, face and neck, and abnormal breathing patterns.

Dandy-Walker Syndrome is frequently associated with disorders of other areas of the central nervous system, including absence of the area made up of nerve fibers connecting the two cerebral hemispheres (corpus callosum) and malformations of the heart, face, limbs, fingers and toes.

Is there any treatment?

Treatment for individuals with Dandy-Walker Syndrome generally consists of treating the associated problems, if needed. A surgical procedure called a shunt may be required to drain off excess fluid within the brain. This will reduce intracranial pressure and help control swelling. Parents of children with Dandy-Walker Syndrome may benefit from genetic counseling if they intend to have more children.

What is the prognosis?

The effect of Dandy-Walker Syndrome on intellectual development is variable, with some children having normal cognition and others never achieving normal intellectual development even when the excess fluid buildup is treated early and correctly. Longevity depends on the severity of the syndrome and associated malformations. The presence of multiple congenital defects may shorten life span.

What research is being done?

The NINDS conducts and supports a wide range of studies that explore the complex mechanisms of normal brain development. The knowledge gained from these fundamental studies provides the foundation for understanding abnormal brain development and offers hope for new ways to treat and prevent developmental brain disorders such as Dandy-Walker Syndrome.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/dandywalker/dandywalker.htm

Dandy-Walker Alliance

***Rainbow Baby-

A term given to the child born after a miscarriage, still-birth, or the death from illness.

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Saying Good-bye, Comes Hard. Ribbons & Belle #IVF #Infertility #eningwantedpregnancies

"I was eight months pregnant. The farthest I’d ever gone. And once the debilitating morning sickness was over I was able to deal with every other little physical thing that popped up. The baby, my god was she growing beautifully and so active. A constant mound of kicking, twisting energy-practically non-stopping.” Her hand unconsciously rubbing her flat stomach, was covered by Tyson’s and she smiled. “And then I went in for an ultra sound- everything changed. It showed problems and I was sent for a level 2 ultrasound.”

“Level two? What is that?”

“In my mind, it’s a death tomb. I never want to hear the phrase again. In actuality, its a more extensive kind of ultra sound and a specialist has to read it. Turns out, all of the overactive movements were a sign of a disease. Poor Fawn had two severe brain malformations. At first I was told about the Dandy Walker syndrome. How it could be severe, but Fawn had a possibility of surviving through it. Children do live good lives with the disease. So, I turned my mind from having a cute little girl to run around with, to having a cute little girl with possible challenges. I prepared myself mentally and was ready.”

“That’s a good way to face life, Belle. If she had survived, I know you would have helped her through anything.”

“Without a doubt. The doctor is the best ever. I would use her again if I ever have to face such a horror. She took no chances with my life or Fawn’s. But to know the extent of the syndrome, I was scheduled to have an MRI three days later. Three days of the beginning of the worst time in my life. I’ve told no one else about this. I went through it all alone, the MRI, the diagnosis of the second brain malformation, and the final decision to have an abortion. I kept it all to myself.

Everything was arranged and executed quickly. There is still an age cut off point for abortions. I worried about someone finding out, the legality, of being accused of murder, being in the media. All a possibility because there aren’t many doctors who would perform such a thing at that late stage in a pregnancy. In order to avoid any sensationalism, I told no one. Never have.”

“What about your husband? Didn’t you tell him? Didn’t you let him know his child would not survive?”

Belle studied Tyson’s face before answering. The removal of his hand from hers, the slight movement away, felt like he had crossed the room. In her heart she knew if she said more, it would end whatever could grow between them, right on the spot. But she continued, better to get it over with.

“Honestly, I didn’t. I told you I called him after the first sonogram. He didn’t return that night. Didn’t bother to come around, but he did send a stupid text. A few lines of how he couldn’t deal with all of the drama and failures in all aspects of our marriage. He couldn’t deal with it anymore – as if any of it had been a party for me.” Belle looked up. The cool blue of his eyes dousing the remnants of the remembered anger she’d held for her ex-husband. “None of this was easy. I had to face facts, my baby was dying before she could be born. Fawn had what amounted to holes in her brain and the area that connected the two sides of her brain hadn’t grown. I’d hoped, after reading on the Dandy-Walker disease, that a miracle would happen and Fawn would be fine or at least as fine as a person with a disability could be, but with the second issue... There would be too much damage and pain. More pain than I was willing to put her through. She would probably not be able to talk, walk, hold her head up, or live without constant seizures. And that would be if she survived being born.

In my heart I knew I couldn’t let my baby live like that. Her being in pain all of her life was the decision maker for me. As a mommy, I had to let her go. I cried through everything. The counseling, the procedure- the shot which would eventually end her life, the conscious physical loss when her constant movements stopped and then the induced birth.

So, yes, I killed her.” 

Belle tried to gloss over the last bit, removing her hands from his and pushing them into the chair to aid her in standing. She needed to get away. To be alone. To work through the wave of guilt, and crippling despair the memories always tried to smother her with, but she couldn’t. 

 One minute she was in a rush to get out of his house and into her car and the next, she found herself with her arms around Tyson's neck and her butt resting on his lap.

Tyson let her cry. 

In the story, Anabelle wanted this baby more than anything. It tore her apart to let her go. I know there are a lot of people who believe this would be a wrong decision to make, what would it take for your to go beyond your inert beliefs?

Please, if you are going through any grief from the lose of your child visit, Saying Goodbye in the U.K.  The Saying Goodbye Services are the first national set of remembrance services for people who have lost a child at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy, whether the loss be recent or 80-years ago.

For parents going through a devastating experience such as Belle’s visit Ending A Wanted Pregnancy

 http://endingawantedpregnancy.com/

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/EndingaWantedPregnancy

 

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Fears of a Father #parenting #abortion #pregnancy

As gently as possible, Tyson slid his arm from under Belle and rolled off the bed to the carpet. Peeking up and over the edge at the thump his knees made as they hit the floor. Belle was still asleep. Snore soft, hand resting on the lump which was their child. Even in her sleep, she comforted it.

He belly crawled into the bathroom. Refusing to stand or turn on the light until the door was shut. Turning to the toilet he stopped, bothered by the soft pink light illuminating the nursery and tipped to close the connecting door, only to be drawn inside.

 It was a beautiful room. The kind designed to bring out the parental instinct. The urge to cuddle and protect. Yet,  it made him afraid. Everything within him trembled.

The big man, the one able to console and help his wife laugh at her fears, was actually petrified at the thought of a defenseless infant. In all of his thirty-five years, he’d never been more terrorized-at least not as much as he was now.

The thought of being a father was nothing when compared to the thought of being a father of a child that might not survive into birth. He may have fooled Belle into believing he had faith in a positive outcome, but the truth was, doubts pounded him. Beat him into the wimpy kid who always ran to his older sisters for solace and words of bravado. Chased him to the home of Cornelia, where he believed, sharing his fears would get him sympathy.  The betrayal floored him.

He’d wanted someone to pull him close and say, It will be all right. You have no need to worry, it won’t happen to your baby. Not your child.

He wanted to hear agreement in the fact, his wife had made the best decision for the love of her child. That if she had no choice but to do it again, he would be the man strong enough to stand by her and love her through it.

He wanted to get a consoling pat on the back and be told even his small doubts in the decision was ridiculous, it would all be for the best. The denial of comfort , slayed him.

He wanted to be the one who teared up in joy at the tiny items purchased in anticipation of his child. Instead, he teared up at the thought of the things not being used. The mountain of brand new baby paraphernalia remained stacked on the dressing table and packed in the bags in the corner of the room.

Tyson fingered the newly purchased blanket sitting in the middle of the crib. A pile of soft pale blue and mint green thickness. He pulled it to his face and sobbed huge, silent crocodile tears into the fabric. Fear had a hold on his heart. He was back to being the eight year old little boy, standing in the doorway of his mother’s room, eaves dropping on a conversation that nearly tore his world apart. Then, he was pulled into the loving arms of his family. Allowed to grieve and receive comfort. But that wasn’t the man he was now.

Here he stood, the man of the house, the comforter, the one who wiped the tears, not the one to be allowed to cry into a ball of material.

The arms,  silently slipped around his waist turned him around, held him close, and rubbed his back. Tyson gladly pulled her close. Resting his cheek on the top of her head, their child, nestled in the embrace, thumping between them.

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New books and Controversy #romance #abortion #infertility

Hi, I have a question. I'm tying ends on a romance WIP. The book has the controversy of a "late term" abortion and the MC's reasoning. Would you read such a book? Here's the potential blurb and cover and a small excerpt. Please tell me what you truly think.

 BLURB :Gorgeous, dedicated fertility counselor Tyson Ribbons, has admired and loved embryologist, Anabelle “Belle” Lee for along time. When she comes in for counseling he fights everything within him not to deter her from her plans.
Doesn’t stop his heart from wishing it could be him fulfilling her desire.

Anabelle Lee, mourning her inability to have a child of her own-suffered through two miscarriages, a heartbreaking late-term abortion, and a soul crushing divorce. As an embryologist, she has protected the potential life of many frozen specimens, and lived envious of the women choosing Invetro fertilization as their form of reproduction.
After a bit of encouragement from her best friend, and counseling from the very perfect Dr. Ribbons, Anabelle takes steps to fulfill her desire to become a mother.
Problem is, the announcement brings more of a shock than a gift.

 EXCERPT from Ribbons & Belle: The Sessions ~

 "Hmm. I realize this may be somewhat unconventional, us having an attraction for each other... Oop Oop, oop,” The dimple in his cheeks appeared and disappeared. “Don't deny it and make me feel like a fool. I,” He placed his hand across his chest. "Definitely stand behind what I feel for you, what I felt coming from you the other night, and my ability to put that all aside in order to carry out a professional assessment of your counseling needs. After that," He waved the clipboard he held in his hands above his head. "It's charts to the wind and my assignment flies in other directions."

 *Oh, lawd. This man is going to have me an emotional wreck.* Shaking her head in denial, Belle

shut her eyes briefly. Trying her damnedest to remember the pep talk she'd given herself that morning- Tyson Ribbons was off limits. Romance was not written in her book. It was best to simply stick to reading them. Snapping his fingers in front of her nose, Tyson cleared his throat again. And when she opened her eyes, she saw he'd donned a pair of rimless glasses and slipped a pipe between his lips. His smile ruining the masquerade of all business no play.

 "Bought these just for you." He moved his head from side to side, giving her a clear view of his profile. "Now, whenever I pull these out, do your best to forget about me in your dreams and think of me as Dr. Ribbons." He laughed at the way her jaw slacked open at the suggestion, but continued talking. Leaving her to collect her own thoughts. "So, tell me, Belle. What makes you think you should be a mother? And don't think I'm just asking this out of pure curiosity. These are questions you need to have answers to. What, beyond the fact you are a woman, makes you feel you deserve to be pregnant? There has to be more than the "want" of holding a tiny human. You know these minuscule individuals turn into people. Sometimes, into the kind of people we want nothing to do with. Why should you, of all people be a mother? What makes you, special?"

 So, what's your thoughts? You can put them in the comments or email me.

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Your Decision, Be Damned #latetermabortion #friendships #romance

Belle put down her can and turned to Sunny. In a slow matter of fact, tone, she began her story about the death of Fawn. With Sunny, as she’d been with Tyson, Belle wanted to eliminate some of the facts, tried not to trip over her emotions and be as upset as she’d been when telling Tyson, but failed horribly. Tears rolled down her face and she could barely control her guttural cries until the strained, soft voice of Sunny’s response broke through her misery. Where she’d expected comfort and a shared remorse, she was stunned by an unexpected accusation.

“So, what you’re really saying is, you killed her.”

Jumping up, she followed Sunny into the house, watching in shock as her friend gathered her belongings and slipped her feet into her shoes in preparation to leave. For a moment every thought in her mind disappeared. The break in her heart so real, she physically felt the pain. Hearing the words she’d ever thought about herself broadcast to the heavens from the mouth of her best friend, stunned her. They were wrong. Harsh. A sentence she didn’t deserve. Words that had no business being planted in her spirit, let alone her soul. She had not killed her child and she wouldn’t accept that condemnation from anyone. Not even from herself.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m asking for you to understand. I’m saying that I didn’t have a choice. She would’ve died, anyway. After living the most horrible short life in extreme pain. I’m saying, I let her go. In peace.”

“No. You treated her worse than you ever treated one of your pets. You euthanized your child and now you’re trying to pass it off like... like a case of mercy killing.”

“Oh my God, Sunny. I can’t believe you, you of all people, are saying this to me.You, who I have for the past twenty years thought of as a sister, stands in front of me and calls me a murderer. You may as well be saying I never wanted the baby. Any of them.”

“Well, did you? Did you really? How can I believe anything else. Were all of the miscarriages, real? Or something you planned, too?"

Belle stood for a minute, hand clutching the material above her breast. At that very moment, every abuse she’d had as a child, every heartache as woman, every despair as a mother, had never felt as horrible and she lashed out.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Sunny. This is why I never told you. You of all people, I knew wouldn’t be able to handle my decision,but I at least thought you would stand with the result of it.”

“Well, that’s an option it’s a little late to even think about. You never let me in. You never told me anything. You never gave me a choice to voice my thoughts.”

“Because I knew you would say exactly what you just spewed at me. You hate and can not tolerate the idea of abortion. You can’t and you won’t even try to see a viable reason a woman would put herself through a horrible experience, like that. And it was they most horrific, soul destroying, last thing I would have ever chosen to go through. I had no choice.” Belle moved to stand face to face with Sunny, who in denial and obvious anguish, turned her body and stepped away whenever Belle got close. Refusing to make eye contact.

“Sunny, I literally had less than two days to decide to end Fawn’s life or bring her into the world in extreme pain. I didn’t want to spend that time fighting with you about the evils of abortion. And believe me. I understand why you hate abortions. I’ve had the hardest time forgiving your parents for making you go through yours as a teen. I know how much you wanted that baby. You know, I know. But I needed to concentrate on the health, no the death of my child. Even her father didn’t want to be involved. You think I could have handled the arguments with you? Do you honestly believe we would have remained friends if I had tried to tell you, then? I needed the comfort you gave me with the amount of truth you did know.”

“I could’ve tried to understand what you were going through, Belle. Studied up on everything. Been with you and held your hand. I could’ve been there so you wouldn’t be alone.”

“And I would’ve used all of my energy wondering if you were hating me. If you were blaming me. I didn’t have the strength within me to take that chance. My entire system was in a state of shock. All of the hope I’d had for Fawn was gone in one instant.”

“And yet, you kept it from me for three years. Her birthday was a few weeks ago. Instead of us sitting and talking about her, you took the day off work. You shut off your phone and you shut me out.”

“Sunny, please don’t leave like this. I wasn’t trying to shut you out.” Belle rushed down the hallway after Sunny. Heartbroken that her friend was not understanding where she was coming from, yet totally understanding the need she felt to get away. “I was trying to close the door on the pain. Trying to get a grip on the past so I could move on to the future.”

“You know what, Belle. I understand where you’re coming from. I get it. I just need to think. I need to adjust to the... to the death of Fawn. It feels like a totally different thing to me and I need some time. I’ll call you.”

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